for my kitty... :):)

Okay, this is me. And my name is.. I better not say it now.

I am gonna write this stuff right here… just to make sure I archive it. I looked around my closet for a piece of blank white paper, could not find one. So here I am , this is me.. (don’t get to that Bryan Adams song here)


Hello Honey!

How are ya? I trust this letter finds you well. Cause that’s what I wanted ever. Tell you what, I thought a million times.. trust me a million times before I started writing this shitt for ya. Well, may be not exactly million times, but a considerable amount of time.

You know how it feels like now? Like oceans exploding in my brain. And got like a bullet stuck right in my forehead, and its not killing me, its not allowing me to live either. Brain throbbing. Damn! And you know what I am happy its because of you. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in love. Well, may be, cause I told you. But you know I don’t wanna be that one goddamn person, whose gonna spend his fucccking entire life in a church or temple door just because a bitch (not you honey, I would not call you that way) turned him down. You are my friend. I guess, I deem. More than a friend. A priority. And that’s you. I care for you. And you know what I should not have done that in the first place. I should not have had you in my head. And I should have taken my head out of my ass, long back.

And behind me, while I write this, the song playin in my machine is What goes around by Justin Timberlake.

Okay, getting back to the point. I do not feel the same tenderness and affection when I talk to you, cause I guess you are faking. Unreal it seems. When I spend my morning breakfast with you, sure it was a pleasure (it was). Not anymore I guess. The last weekend, I told you the Saturday was fucccking miserable. Sure if you could live without talking to me, you think I give a shit about that. No I can live too. I managed it. Cause I know I get to called by the name cool guy. Yes I am. The cool guy. I am cool now to. But a little serious. I thought you would be a shoulder to cry on. Its 22.47 now. The last time you called my cell phone, let me see…. 13.44 when we met at the lunch.

The little one, who called me everyday and make me excite and happy and pleased me is not calling me now at all. For the past two days. She did not call me when she left the office. She did not call me last night. And I got a feeling that you would fail me tonight too. Cause you know what its almost 11 PM now. Its gone. You aint calling me yet.

Kitty, how do you want me to take this shit? In a constructive way? You want me to take it easy? This is really bugging me, wanna know why you did not call me. Is that because I screwed up last Wednesday by being honest to you, by saying that I was paranoid, by saying that ‘Don’t lie to me? Cause I trust you’. I gotta tell it to you, because you are responsible for it. And I did that. And even apologized when I got back to my seat. You said it’s okay. And from that time, I started noticing the distance that you were tryin to maintain. Well, you know what, if you wanna walk away, that’s fine. I am totally fine with that. Becase I can not deal with this bulling fuccking waitin for your call.

You cant ask me, I didn call you, or you cant tell me that “we are in a relationship mister”. And it’s like a clapping hand, and we both have to lend a hand to make a clap and get a noise. (sure you remember this dialogue you told me last Wednesday when I got the moment screwed). You know what, I am waiting now for you r call. I trust that you would call me. I have trust in you that you would call me. I had that trust last night too. But you didn call me. You failed. I guess, you would fail me today too. I am pretty sure about it.

You rememerber the times when you’d call me and say that you have already slept, and something came to your mind and you called me to say good night? That is you. That is my kitty. And she;s probably dead, cause you are almost dead in my mind. And now all I see is you are a fake. This is not my ego princess, that I am not calling you when don’t call me, its that I am desperately waiting and I am holding a trust that my little kitty would call me.

Writin a letter does not mean that, I don’t have the guts to say you face to face. You know I got that guts. But I don’t wanna spoil the moment we spend together, and I don’t wanna spoil your mood, and I don’t want me to be the reason for your suffering. And that’s why I did not even ask you this morning ‘Why did not you call last night?’. Cause I did not want to run in a argument with you.

But is this the way things are really going down? Is this the way we say good bye? Is this the way you treat someone, and make them suffer, especially someone who wants to put you out of your suffering?

Still don’t worry. I will be there to catch you when you fall. And I Will there to make you fly, when you cry. Its 11.02 PM now. Damn!

All right you know what? Why am I even doing this idiocy. This is ridiculous. I know, but you aint calling me now.

And kitty, I still got a lot more to say. I thought there nothing personal between you and me. If I have hurted you anytime, I beg you to pardon me.

I told you earlier, I could still be like the cool guy you want. But I thought I was someone special to you. Than all your friends. I never expected in the hell, that you would forget to call me. But you know what, I am tired of living for someone. I am even thinking if I have to call you at around 8, before I get in to the cab. What do you say? Well , I am gonna call you.

Go home, be happy. Don’t ever fuccking care about me, cause I am through. I will be happy too. I cannot really explain the vibe I got and the precious moments you gave me when you called me all these times. I mean it. I want that happy mood back. But if don’t wanna give me that, that’s okay babe, cause in time, you are gonna find that I am all right.

All I was tryin to be is to be your best friend. All I was tryin to be is to make you happy honey. And you are toxic now. Poison ;) you know what I mean  All I was tryin to be is your one. Not the plus one. I know you have changed. Please don’t deny it babe. Cause you know it.

I don’t even know, If id’ have breakfast with you tomorrow morning, I don’t even know.

I just typed a text for ya. I am not a hard rock. I am gonna send it after 11.30 PM. Cause if I send it now, and if you see it, I guess, you would call me. But Iam not in a position to talk to you now. Cause you almost got me pisssed.  That’s okay baby. Have fun!